A Search for LGBTQ+ in Scripture: Just Friends (part 7)

Interpersonal relationships come in a wide variety of forms. The Bible is no exception in featuring a variety of relationships that would be familiar (namely, with a spouse, family, God, neighbor, stranger, etc.), as well as the kinds of relationships that would hopefully not be familiar (for instance, with a slave or a prisoner of war).

We will take a closer look at an example of close a relationship between people of the same gender in the Old Testament.

The purpose of this segment's examination is not to claim whether or not these individuals were homosexual or bisexual. There is no definitive indication one way or another on any of these individuals' sexuality nor the sexual activity within the relationship. In searching through the scriptures, I came across this relationship that appears to be more than just a mere friendship and had developed an emotionally intimate bond. This is not to say that having an emotionally close relationship indicates the presence of a sexual relationship. My intent is to present this relationship with as much understanding as can be determined by what is and is not in the scriptures.

In the books of Samuel, we find the story of David and Jonathan. At this point in the Old Testament, David has gained the favor of King Saul in part from his fame as a musician but primarily in his defeat of Goliath. Right away, David develops a deep relationship with Saul’s son, Jonathan.

And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. (1 Samuel 18:1)

Their relationship was so close that their souls were “knit” together. The use of soul here is significant, this speaks to the close bond between them and was more than a mere friendship—this was a soul bond. In the Old Testament, the soul was the union of body and spirit. In Genesis 2:7, God created the body of Adam, breathed in the breath of life, and created “a living soul.” David and Jonathan were intertwined in both spirit and body. We are unable to determine whether the nature of this relationship was strictly platonic love or romantic love, in either case, the relationship was very close.

Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. (1 Samuel 18:3)

The nature of the covenant between David and Jonathan is unknown, but Jonathan cared for David so deeply that he essentially gave him “the shirt from his own back.”

And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle. (1 Samuel 18:4)

He had removed everything and was naked in the presence of David. The word for “nakedness” is often used in the Old Testament as a euphemism for sex. While that word is not present in this passage, exposing oneself in this manner would be unusual.

In time David fell out of favor with Saul as he became jealous of David's success in battle and acclaim that grew among the people. That jealousy grew into a desire to have David killed and Saul made various efforts to kill David through both direct and indirect means.

Saul schemed to put David in harm's way when he offered first his daughter Merab, then his daughter Michal to David to be his wife. Saul demanded the foreskins of 100 Philistines before David could be wed to Michal believing that David would perish in the attempt.

With David's life repeatedly in imminent danger, Jonathan and Michal (who also loved him) aided David to go into hiding. Again Jonathan expresses his love for David.

And Jonathan caused David to swear again, because he loved him: for he loved him as he loved his own soul. (1 Samuel 20:17)

Saul became angry with Jonathan as well when David failed to appear at the king’s feast. Some of the language that Saul directed to Jonathan is curious and raises questions as to why Saul said the things that he did.

Thou son of the perverse rebellious woman, do not I know that thou hast chosen the son of Jesse to thine own confusion, and unto the confusion of thy mother’s nakedness?

For as long as the son of Jesse liveth upon the ground, thou shalt not be established, nor thy kingdom. Wherefore now send and fetch him unto me, for he shall surely die. (1 Samuel 20:30-31)

In his anger, Saul publicly shamed his son at the king’s feast calling Jonathan perverse, rebellious, and confused. Alternate translations of “Thou son of the perverse rebellious woman” suggest that a more accurate translation might be “Thou son of perversity of rebellion”(Ellicott’s Commentary). On the surface, it may appear that Saul is referring to Jonathan and David's relationship. Looking at this scene from Saul's perspective, he considers David to be a threat to the throne and would understandably be angered by his son's loyalty to David. Also, these insults were directed to Jonathan, not Jonathan's mother, and would be similar to today's insults of "son of a bitch" or "mother f**ker" where an insult towards a man is intensified by also passively insulting his mother. Another way to understand the last phrase in verse 30 would be that Jonathan's mother would be embarrassed at having brought a son like this into the world.

The next day Jonathan goes to meet David now that Jonathan understood Saul’s intent.

And as soon as the lad was gone, David arose out of a place toward the south, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three times: and they kissed one another, and wept one with another, until David exceeded. (1 Samuel 20:41)

This is an emotionally charged exchange between David and Jonathan. Whether the kissing mentioned is more than platonic in nature is difficult to determine. Males greeting other males with a kiss on the cheek is common in many cultures, plus there are a few other examples in the Old Testament of a man giving a kiss to another man in greeting or recognition. The exchange here between David and Jonathan was more than just a greeting, this exchange is evidence of the value and closeness of the relationship between them; a relationship that was now threatened by the murderous intent and actions of King Saul. The translation of "until David exceeded" is still unclear given the context and definitions from the original Hebrew texts, but can likely be understood as "David wept the more" (NSRV).

David and Jonathan would meet one final time before Jonathan and his brothers are slain on Mt. Gilboa in a battle with the Philistines. Upon learning of Jonathan’s demise David is wrought with grief.

How the mighty have fallen in the midst of battle! O Jonathan, thou wast slain in thine high places.

I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. (2 Samuel 1:25-26)

David’s lament signifies his deep relationship with Jonathan and describes how that relationship was valued in comparison to his wives. Whether the relationship between David and Jonathan was sexual is impossible to determine from the ancient texts currently available, though the depth of the love and emotional connection between the two is undoubtedly clear.

As discussed previously in this series, the only homosexual behavior that was expressly prohibited in the Old Testament was that done in conjunction with idol worship. Moreover, the existence of a close friendship and a deep emotional bond between two people of the same gender does not indicate the presence of a sexual relationship, but at the same time, it wasn't prohibited.

Was there a deep bond between them? Yes. (1 Samuel 18:1,3)

Did they love each other? Yes. (1 Samuel 18:1-3, 1 Samuel 20:17, 2 Samuel 1:26)

Did David love Jonathan more than his wives? Yes. (2 Samuel 1:26)

Was there affection at some level between them? Yes. (1 Samuel 18:4, 1 Samuel 20:41)

Was a sexual relationship between them strictly forbidden? No.

Was their relationship strictly platonic and non-sexual? Possibly.

Could there have been a sexual relationship between David and Jonathan? Possibly.

Across the expanse of the human experience, relationships have varying degrees of intimacy that manifest in different forms. Human relationships are not one-dimensional. When you consider all of the facets of any given relationship (physical, emotional, mental, familial, professional, etc) you have something that is multi-dimensional and can only be understood and appreciated when examined from multiple perspectives.

The relationship between David and Jonathan is interesting because we have more insight into this specific relationship than most within the Bible. There are many mentions of love in the Bible, but there are very few instances that describe the deep bond that existed between David and Jonathan.

It is important to note that throughout their relationship, neither the prophet at the time nor the priests condemned the relationship between David and Jonathan.

Yet how would a relationship such as this be treated by the church’s current leaders?